Why is job searching so difficult? Has it always been like this? I keep finding ones that I know would be awesome matches but then it turns out they want you to have 10 years of experience for the entry level position and it’s highly annoying. And then when I find one that I actually qualify for I end up doing stupid mistakes alike applying without a cover letter that they specifically asked you to say certain things in so I then apply twice (here’s hoping they just automatically delete the one without the cover letter and don’t put two and two together because I really want this one) or applying to one and then after you do some research it turns out it’s not what you are looking for at all. Is it bad that I’m sad that they haven’t contacted me about that application? I mean I’d end up turning them down because we want to work towards two very different goals but still… I’d like to have the option.

I promise this isn’t another post about how horrible jobs are and job searching. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

So I’ve been talking to this girl (and right about now Phoebe is highly upset that this is how she’s finding out and since I’m pretty sure shes the only one that reads this I’ll probably be getting a call soon….). Anyways it’s interesting because we met online so we’ve only been talking by phone for a while now and we met for the first time yesterday. We actually went to a group at the LGBTQ center here in Vegas that she goes to every week and it was actually really nice. It was nice to be around people that have had to struggle and deal with things like me for even longer than I have and still manage to be happy and supportive people. It was refreshing. We ended up getting done there earlier than we thought so we decided to go see a movie (shout out to Guardians of the Galaxy 2… awesome movie!!). It was all very casual and kinda nice.

The funny part is that we are both kinda introverted (especially at first) and shy so it was probably one of the more awkward meet ups that has happened but it never felt off or uncomfortable. At least not for me. But we both are very new at this. She’s actually never had a relationship and the ones I’ve had were either abusive or more friends with benefits. Except for one, he was amazing and we have been great friends our entire lives and it ended because I was stupid and a jerk and it never picked back up because we can never seem to be in the same places in our lives. We were always just destined to be great friends. So anyways we met up and it was nice but it was kinda funny because as soon as we said goodnight we were texting and it was like we were two different people. You can tell that we’re more comfortable behind technology.

This development will be interesting. I have never been on an official date and have no idea what it entails or what is expected… but I have a feeling she doesn’t either so maybe that’ll make this easier. I think the hardest thing for me is going to be to not try and hide it. It’s so strange for me to be able to go into public and show same sex pda. I was just too risky where I lived before. I mean I’m still not out as pan to my sister but I’m sure that she suspects and I know that she wont care in the slightest but it’s strange and there’s a lot of baggage there. I guess we’ll just have to see how this plays out. We may find out that we’re not really dating material and just end up being good friends.

Either way its strange and new and a little scary… and for once I feel free.

-M

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